Guruji (a great light)

she came to be out of suffering

and shed of the false ways 

that robbed the mind of the light 

she came to find the knowing 

beyond all knowledge

when she came 

there was little in the way of writing

of kundalini

there was only a book or two 

to help bring understanding and these 

were not good teachings 

as they came from minds that were still 

in suffering 

so she could not find true guideance 

for a long, long time 

she kept her mind on the possibility of 

being free 

yet did not know when the whole thing 

would end 

or how it would play out 

yet she continued forward

and this was not easy at all

for what came from her life was mud

from past choices 

and this was to sit thick for many a day and 

year

the mud of family drama

the mud of seeking another to love and to be loved 

the mud of wanting to find something in the world 

that would put the ache to rest 

and stop the thoughts that ran about 

onward she went through these scenes 

and many times falling hard 

and up again 

driven by the winds of the desire to be free 

and the fruits of her efforts from lifetimes 

sometimes blossoming 

and then falling back into the darkness 

not seen or felt 

yet she kept on 

when the time came to leave her home and go to india 

in search of a Guru

she went alone

not knowing what or how it will all unfold 

she went 

taking herself only 

scared? yes!

but on she went into the unknown land 

that was very foreign and also dangerous 

for a woman traveling alone 

she found little at first 

much masquerading of truth 

and much false ways and dishonorable 

actions 

but finally came upon a man that seemed 

to be sincere in heart 

and she came to find him to be her Guru

now there is much more to this story that is quite 

beautiful and of grace 

but this is the main feeling 

and he was a stern man 

and did not let one word slip by that was 

out of line with what a seeker should say to 

a Guru

he would give a look that burned the soul 

and singed the heart 

and made one shut up 

this was done without delay

and so this was her Guru

during this time much came forward 

in the way of deep direct insights 

and openings and understandings 

and blossomings and falling away

yet still not the end that was sought

one night she was laying in bed 

and knew she was not the mind 

and sat straight up in bed 

saying "i am not those things!!"

this direct knowing was to stay with her 

but still the mind moved here and there 

there was during this time 

a very graceful contemplation that came forward 

about the pure SELF 

that was delicate and yet powerful 

majestic and very much capable of 

breaking down the mental energies of mind 

this came forward spontaneous as anything 

then what happened was that she shared 

some of her writing with her Guru and he 

spoke to her strongly about it 

as she should be in full understanding 

to write this ...

well she was very proud of her writing and this 

was a blow to ego indeed 

and mind had some things to say about it 

and then she went still and mute for 3 days 

due to the strong shock of this 

she continued to move forward 

with her Guru giving satsang as she 

gave service in the best way possible 

and mostly she was quiet about it 

most grateful for what was given 

she was not with her 

Guru long 

she entered realization on the banks of the ganges 

and after this 

the world she thought she knew had vanished 

without a trace to remain

the *me* had been dissolved 

and there was only remaining a rich, still presence

that has not wavered for many years 

her Guru questioned her on this in which she 

answered his questions perfectly 

and he gave her the Ashtavakra Gita to read which 

was to confirm her state of consciousness 

and he told her to go forward as a Guru 

and that my friend is just a snippet of the story

of our dear Guruji 

she is a great light for all that have ears to hear 

and eyes to see...

she has risen up from the mud of great suffering 

and tapasya

and what remains is the light of truth 

a great blessing for humanity indeed