more on the journey....

here is the writing that is flowing today...

when i was young i had no real grounding to bring 

myself to be steady 

there was so much turmoil in my world 

i still would have nightly dreams of vividness 

and very nightmarish too

i was not lonely

i was just sad due to so much pain in my world 

what a time of it 

but when i began the search for truth i did not know of 

how to proceed 

so i just started in meditating and also picking up chants from 

reading 

this brought a happiness for sometime, but then 

kundalini opened fully and i was floored with phenomena 

i do not write this way to say, look what a hard time she 

(this one) has had, but to make this life as all that come to a path 

an example of sorts of what happens in a full on kundalini 

awakening process

it is not easy for sure, nor does it bring immediate results 

nor does it bring what is expected (in fact it is so far from this 

mostly it seems)...

i do not write either to say, go and wake up kundalini 

for this is very dangerous if played with and should 

be looked at with caution, so again, it is an example

of the power within that energy, kundalini...

i was not truly understanding kundalini when it opened or 

looking for it... i barely knew of the word 

so i read books, buddhist mostly which were enjoyed 

and meditated in grave yards (of all things you might say)

but this is indeed a true practice of which i really knew little 

about, but was drawn there... drawn, i guess to the hard things 

to be able to see them and not turn from them...

so i spent time there in contemplation

and now as i am writing, i can see where i spent time in the cemetery 

in Seattle, near volunteer park...

i can see myself (as i am writing now) walking to that cemetery from where i lived 

i can see that i was wearing a white t-shirt, which i remember now wearing

i would walk by the small stores and shops on the avenue and then by starbucks

there was a safeway on the left and an organic shop too... i can see all the shops 

strung together on that avenue very vividly as if reliving it, yet being
a witness of it, so life-like feeling...
and then coming to volunteer park where children played

in the park on the other side of the cemetery... 

and now some memories are coming of that time in a very vivid flash 

the setting can be seen crystal clear along with this form walking there.. the day is sunny 

and bright, crisp and cool...

within the cemetery, some of the head stones are tall and thick

there is an area that has mostly asian families and i can see those headstones 

some black with asian writing trailing down it lengthwise 

there are some famous people buried there 

i would read the headstones and reflect on what was written 

as some had messages that were nice..

and on one famous persons headstones (Brandon Lee's i believe. He is buried 

there with his father)...

i found what is written on there because it is nice, so i will copy what it says

and as i am writing,  i am seeing his headstone there...

i recall reading it several times and reflecting on the writing...

"Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an 

inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and 

a very small number really.  How many more times will you remember a certain 

afternoon in your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that 

you can't even conceive of your life without it.  Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps

not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise, perhaps twenty. And yet it 

all seems limitless."

so this is where i sometimes frequented... meditating and looking deeply at the wonders
of the universe...

i would spend time just being aware and looking deeply at nature much of the 

time as well...

this was the beginning of truly opening to spirit/heart...

i do not advocate this for any other, this is simply the writing flowing today

i did not have a Guru at this time and had no understanding of the journey

of awakening really.....

this is all that is flowing for now..

om shanti