the staff

a mystic carries his staff

(representative of Guru's teachings

and grace)

like a one that could not 

be sturdy without it 

he carries it to steady himself

as he moves thru 

the ups and downs of the world 

he carries it to be not afraid 

and disturbed by 

any experience no matter how 

joyous or how biting 

he carries it to set himself 

on the righteous path until 

the heart is entered 

and peace is an abiding 

experience 

he carries it to let no thoughts 

be in charge of his journey

for he does not know the way

to the heart 

he does not know the turns 

and the passages that will come 

around the corner 

he does not know when it will end 

but he does not worry
as he has within his heart
the guiding force
of non-dual wisdom that shines
when he finds himself in hard times 

he goes to his own soul 

to be within what is right 

within quietude he dwells

he does not resist experience 

but surrenders into what 

comes as a wave that passes

and breathes and relaxes 

in the heart 

always moving this way

without fear or anxiety

he does not see without the grace given 

he cannot be clear without the grace given

he cannot be steady without the grace given

so onward into himself he sinks 

into this way of unknowing that will 

bring in it's time 

the greatest blessing of all of life 

realization

stillness 

freedom

the peace that passes

all understanding 

this is the journey of the mystic

Buddha spoke of detachment..

when Buddha sat under the bodhi tree

he was filled with overwhelming emotions 

and movement of mind 

he saw many visions including mara the goddess

of deception dancing before him

he was not to be swayed by this 

but continued steadfast in his meditation

he sat and sat and sat some more 

all came forward from his consciousness 

of other worlds and other lifetimes 

images of fire burning and hell realms 

and desires that took on forms of lust 

and envy and pride 

and all the things that haunt the soul so 

much when in mind 

he did not move, but continued to look deeply

at his mind that put out these images 

and questioned what is true 

are these images true that come and go 

and play about?

or are they made up as fiction and have 

no substance in themselves except for 

what the mind attaches to?

he looked at this and saw that this movement 

was not real in it's essence 

for it did not remain and died away when looked at 

he continued to question his mind 

and penetrated it's layers with awareness 

and eventually the mind stilled 

as what was seen as false was not given 

any more attention

and it withered and died away

leaving the beauty of the absolute alone

Buddha spoke always to the middle way
and detachment being primary
for without detachment the mind
was not to find freedom
this is why those on the path are to
*witness* what is here which creates a buffer
to the experience
and then one is not so lost in the mix of it all..
with this, the mind
begins to get some distance and clarity
on what is taking place
then from here
one can continue to go forward
into deeper waters..

the sage

the sage 

is free of unrest 

he is unburdened like shiva

he is identical to the absolute

he is free of pride and lust 

he bears no mark of ignorance 

such as attachment to form and

intellect

he is rinsed clean of sin

he is a light unto himself

he is a prince of peace 

he is a bright glow
for humanity

he may sit on a tiger skin

or a throne 

or live in the streets 

as a homeless one

and remains unblemished

as his consciousness 

is changeless

and not affected by externals

he sees the world of many

but still his consciousness

is single 

always within shiva 

he has no relationship 

to any 

as he is completely alone

within himself

he is in stillness always

without ups 

and downs of the world

steady as the mountain range

fresh as the rains that come 

to a parched land 

swept clean of stories

of me and mine

shorn of coverings of identifications

he may seat himself in the lotus 

position on the earth 

or walk in the crowded cities

he may wear ordinary clothes 

or nothing at all

he may speak eloquent words 

or be in silence

he may sit by the waters 

and sleep in the deep forests 

with the creatures 

or live in an ordinary home 

he may be outgoing 

or quiet in nature

he may be uncomely

or wear a beautiful face 

he may embody a fine form

or be bent with age
and decrepitude

he remains unattached

and eternally free

of these appearances

he will not be comprehended

by those in mundane mind 

his divine state will be 

recognized only by those that 

are liberated 

as this is the same 

consciousness always 

o ne 

not high

not low 

not anything 

in between

zero

without qualities

what remains when 

the mind falls away

this is the sage  

the town called *is* (comment attached)

in a town called *is*

there lived a man who sought to know of something beyond

birth and death

this man regarded himself to be of great prowess

he had a strong physique and felt himself healthy

and of good intellect...

he sold all of his belongings and set out to find the truth

he left behind family, friends, job and all relations 

he resolved to not look back or to come home without 

any knowledge that rang of real

he walked on a path that started right outside his door...

onward he went for awhile on this path
until he encountered a great forest called doubt --

in this forest he was pestered by all kinds of unrest that spoke 

incessantly about what a bad person he was and that maybe he was not
capable of such and awesome undertaking as this...
then immediately this  

was followed by what a good person he had been due to particular good deed 

he had done.. but then no, he was not so good and so on...

and the other familiar rant yammering on about possibly he shouldn't have started out at all--

maybe his family was right that he knew not what he was doing ..

will they accept him when he got back he wondered ..  possibly not 

maybe now he was cast off like an orphan to roam about without a single mooring 

anywhere ..

oh this is not good cried his persona... we have been left alone ..

he walked on heavy with such a great deluge of worry and unrest through this 

forest of doubt...

he slept under a tree that night and felt the shadows fall with the black enveloping his soul

and his sight felt blinded 

his heart was not there in this enshrouded place ...

he twisted and turned about on the hard earth and rose in the morning not refreshed in the least..

he picked up and continued ...

eventually he came across a man wandering in the forest looking very ordinary in his way..

he cast a quick look at him and he felt a bit free with his glance ...

the man smiled an easy smile 

and the seeker very weary said, friend i am in search of that which lies beyond birth and death..

do you know of this place?

the other journeyer said indeed i do for i live within it always...

and this shook this man of great prowess to the core...

well how so do you live in it? for i am right here where you are 

but do not see it ...

the ordinary journeyer laughed and said oh -- you have only just begun my friend ...

once you are free within it matters not where you live or what you are doing ...

the mind is eternally at peace ...

well this was quite a thing to be heard ...

why then sir, is it so very, very hard for me to be at peace when this freedom is right here and now?

for i do not feel free at all.. my mind is in such weariness, heartache and unrest...

tell me dear sir, why is this and how can i be set away from this hell that i am living?

so very strange that we both stand here looking like men and in the same setting 

yet you are at ease and speaking of peace and that is felt well as when i glanced at you

my heart sang and my soul took to a bit of rest ... i felt as if there was a light 

in this great darkness in which i am so accustom...  

how can i be freed and speak as you do sir please say?

stillness pervaded that gentle being as he spoke in his clear voice to say ...

all beings are eternally free in the heart my dear seeker ..

now it is not seen due to your false identification with the body and mental waves that rise and fall

within these waves there is no constancy or anything that can be found that is lasting ..

to attach to these waves is death really (as eternal light is covered over) and so much suffering comes from it that is to have no end...

how then said the seeker shall i get away from this misery that has clung to my heart so strong

and so very all consuming in its way? i follow it like a lost lamb in the dark calling away for 

my mother ... oh pray tell dear wise soul of the heart .. 

your words are like soft rain to a man that has been in a desert for many an era...

i am so drowned in the mess that i have made apparently ....
as you say it is i that has misidentified 

myself with this body and passing phases of mind and by doing so created a world of overpowering shadow... 

how then to disentangle please say now and i will go there ...

the first thing is to not pay attention to the thoughts and body as they are mere shadows that follow

the course of nature ..
changing, coming and going, rising and sinking ...  

be quiet and watch them as if set apart like a light that shines them up only...

my master told me to stay well away from the body and mind as if like an outcast that is to not be touched .. this was very hard at first for the being had been so soaked into this field of 

thinking i am the body and mind and it takes on a life of its own.....

so very hard to move away from, yet it must be done sincere seeker for otherwise you are drowned in 

its false spell that may seem innocent at times..
but this is indeed where it pulls you in like wolf in sheeps clothing ...
be aware of this attachment dear seeker of o ne ... 

next be honest always and forthright in character ..
true in all your dealings and ways in the world...

stay detached in all things, yet keep the heart open ...  

also, here is a mantra to say that points to the o ne reality**brahman**say it with devotion and great care
this will aide to dissolve the mind into the o ne reality that is eternal..
though you do not know of this o ne heart yet friend say the mantra like you believe in it
and feel it in you and all about, do not say it as mere rote ...

or this energy will waste away and only lead to empty repetition...

rest in the heart and have faith in the o ne ...

for it lies within yourself and nowhere else.... 

do not be afraid to be alone for this is the best way ...

dear one seek good company and if that is not there, nature is your companion and it will never, ever put you out ....  

dear wise soul, you have made it sound so simple,
but now it feels so very, very arduous and mixed with so many emotions .....
i am a bit lost right now ... yet underneath it all, your words are felt and penetrating 

in a way that is not understood by me...

wise soul, this strong urge to be out of suffering is simmering under the waves of the world i thought i knew ..
i feel unable to not pay attention there as it haunts my very being so..

dear seeker, this is because you are made as whole and eternal...
the disharmony within is telling that you are not right in identifying yourself with the false ..
the pull you feel is there because the light is in you and inherently draws one in ...
if it is disregarded then one suffers...
if it is heeded (it is still very hard) 

but in the end freeing if followed to its full completion...
then no suffering and all is set right...

hearty journeyer you must have great strength and courage now...
not strength of body, but of soul and heart...
this is not something that can be built like muscles...
it is more a breaking down of the barriers that have been held up to hide from pure life ... 

this is what true courage is friend .. 

yes wise guide .. how opposite this is than what i thought before...
for i felt i must struggle with these waves and push them aside or down to win over ..

now what you say in a way i have no power at all and what is asked now is to give over what was known as *my* power to a the greater intelligence that is not of my personal world ...

oh i am really nothing it feels ..

how very deflating to a man that is built on body and mental intellect ...

what a hard blow to this me...

yet i see you here wise light looking so much of a whole being and in fine form and frame ...

free as you say and i do feel you are true in my being...

oh my this is not easy precious guide...

no it is not, said the guide...
but this attachment and hearty ego you speak of is not your friend .. it is false and unreal

so as to keep you captive in a haunting world of separation...

well dear seeker you can always stay there where you are at...  

oh no quickly interrupted the seeker.. my soul is in great unrest now and i do not want any more of it...

what about my family and friends?...are they now not a part of my world?

am i to cast them out of my heart like they never were?
spoke the guide --the bible says one must turn away from the world which includes family and friends....  one must detach from that life (within themselves) for it keeps the soul bound to body and mind...
though this has been the way of all those within monastic life, it does not mean one needs to hide away from the world, but to let go of all inner attachments...  

the bible says follow me ...  follow the truth no matter what it calls for ...

one is not saying that responsibilities are to be cast aside when in the thick of it --

if you have put into motion a family with young children still needing to be reared then one finishes this job and then it is up to the soul where to take the journey from there ...

but know that without full detachment there will never be full realization .. not ever...

all that have come to be in truth and light have renounced the world and never returned there
the freed soul then lives in the world but not of it...
a radically different consciousness than those caught within mundane mind...
okay, said the seeker
this is what is needed and i am now in a position to leave it all..

where are you going now master? how can i find you?

i cannot say where i will land dear wanderer of the way..

but you have what is needed to complete, and now my heart is bound to yours in sincerity, light and love as we are the same truth within...

you will travel thru many different countries ..
some will ring of great unrest and some of divine light ..

keep going precious seeker until all thoughts are cleared and only the non-dual o ne remains ..

you will know it undoubtedly when it is uncovered ...

the last stop however is the town of death...

oh my shuddered the seeker ... how horrid that sounds

the wise soul laughed greatly and said do not be afraid...

and then he took to his feet and left....
the man in search of light looked about and took a deep breath of release...
he felt quite a bit sturdier within as he knew that his call to freedom was true and held great value ...
his reminiscing for the life he left behind continued to rise and fall like waves
sometimes it was all consuming ...
sometimes like a soft glow in the background...
doubts still haunted and pestered.. angel and devil voices chimed in ... random, senseless thoughts continued to rise and fall ..
but he continued to ponder this surrender thing and detached from the body and used the mantra in devotion and love...
he journeyed on for so many, many days it seemed like
as a one shorn of his homeland and like a one that knew not where he belonged
as his life of before seemed so very distant like a dream in the mist ...
he set it aside like he was told and slept in the open air...
breathing the smell of the earth, listening to the rustling of creatures and watching the shadows fall..
onward he went ..
his heart was light somedays and ridden with haunting shadows and doubts other days...
 he returned always to the mantra...  drinking in its vibration and watching the glory of natures wonders ... so very welcoming and open like a sweet fragrance of Gods creation
it felt unreal to him at times, this beautiful gift of nature
the blossoming wonders, rich greens and sweet earthy smells fresh from rain or warm with sunlight ..
he was lost there sometimes and then back came mind again...
then he came to a valley called expanse...this looks nice he thought...
things felt a bit easier and restful... thoughts were there, but did not feel so pressing down and haunting
kind of like riding a wave easily,
rather than the heavy current of mind constantly pushing against the being so as to say -- look at me! listen to me!
he breathed a bit easier and sat awhile in happiness that was very refreshing ...
so simple he thought this beautiful moment...
still there was unrest looming underneath like a bobbing thing that went under and rose up again when the conditions were ripe --
on and on like this he went...
then he came to a place that felt different also,
his mind seemed calmer and lit up with insight ...
he felt like a being at the center  of a web with strands reaching outward where all was connected and appeared harmonious and filled with love
okay, now i have finally arrived he thought ... i am very holy and special indeed...
i am one with all things and have never not been...
i am quite a light .. i am a teacher,
i am  a one filled with wonder as the earth and stars and heavens and all things glorious...
i have drunk deeply of the clear waters and sunny pastures of the universe ..
what a free soul i am and how much i have to say now about it ....
i am to be known for my way of speaking clear and deeply insightful vision that is so very high up...
look at me now, such a treasure trove of wisdom...
he felt he had arrived and continued to reflect on all that he had gained and suffered and just how
amazing of a soul and seeker he was ...
and just how much others would see this too...
he sat in this way for oh so long friends, very reluctant to leave this land of ego pleasure..
eventually however the clouds came back and the sea began to rock within
and his heart did not seem so rested in his own method of feeling things to be within harmony and light
fortunately in the depths of this view he was swept up by ...
a kernel of sense remained to see that he had not paid attention at all  to his guides wise words
that said one is not done until *all* thoughts are gone and the last town is the town of *DEATH*..
death came up to him this way in his mind *BIG* and looming above so as to say .. yes, you cannot bypass me .. though you gave it a good shot indeed
still there is no completion without passing thru me (the town of *DEATH*)....
well he wondered if he had sat here so long so as to avoid this part...
oh my how deluded mind can be and got up and shook his head about and sighed a deep sigh as he knew he was not done and needed to continue into the land of death ---
onward he went and now he knew enough to not be taken in by *any story* no matter how good it sounded...
he had learned this lesson in a very hard way...
as he had lost so much time swept up in this world of fantasy...
soon enough this place called death shown up in the distance ...
oh, there it is said his persona... what to do .. go forward, go back...
he did not know really for it felt so very real not as a dream or a projection anymore ...
and he breathed and said let the worst come and be over with...
for i feel so very weary
like a soul caught as a deer in a trap with barely a breath of life left, not fully dying
and not full living ..
Lord of my soul this is not where i want to stay
may you do what you must
and he kept going
and he sank into this haunting shadow that was the most frightening of all fears and the most horrifying
shadow that looms in all mental waters ...
and he shook to the bone at the barren feel of it
like all that was known to him was to be lost forever..
his body, mind -- the whole thing ..
so real and palpable was this feeling and there was nothing he could do as he was helpless to its strength and power and then out he went...
gone to himself...
when his consciousness awakened to the appearance of the world
all was radically changed
the dual world he knew before was rinsed clean and what was revealed was the o ne SELF of all...
so completely peaceful and at rest
so very gentle like calm waters ...
the past never happened, the future had no reality ...
beyond birth and beyond death was this pure consciousness
there were no thoughts about it
only peace, beauty and all consuming non-dual pristine awareness remained
he wasn't sure where he was at first, but then within his awareness he recognized his surroundings and knew that he was in the town called *is* ... as if he never left...
was there ever a journey?  did he ever leave this place?
my what a dream he had been lost in...
well friends his family was rather indifferent about the whole thing and barely noticed anything had changed ...
what happened next ...
this beautiful light took to his feet and walked on into the open lands
singing of pure presence and light wherever he was ..
not two,  not two...

om shanti

renunciate vows...

poverty, chastity and obedience

these are the basic vows observed within monastic life

that are to be fully honored if one is a renunciate

poverty truly points to emptiness of attachment to the world

which means to lay down the feeling of ownership within 

as well as the feeling of pride and vanity...

it does not necessarily mean having no physical possessions

although this is an outward flow at times of this vow

as within the traditional sadhu life 

this one owned not a thing and roamed the earth

bare, naked, completely free of possessions...

what is being spoken of here however is an inward letting go...

chastity, symbolic of purity (which includes celibacy)...   

is maintaining a clean inner reality and outward action that is in alignment

with the vows...   

as well as honoring the basic precepts of honesty, transparency and integrity..

celibacy is an essential of monastic living as to be without it 

solidifies bodily attachment and desire 

which is directly opposed to the purpose of renunciation 

as this signifies going beyond body and the worldly ways..

obedience indicates surrender or giving over to truth..

it does not mean to follow along blindly ..

but to yield to the light (of Gurus wisdom) without resistance and 

arguments (nothing more, nothing less)

these fundamental vows it seems have been very misinterpreted

and under appreciated for what they are...

though they may seem stringent to some...

they are truly the foundation to moving forward free of the body/mind complex

and an absolute essential of the renunciate life...  

om shanti

entering deep waters...

mental waves
rise and fall
on the surface of this glorious ocean
that sits deeply real..
when the vision is externalized these waves
appear as all that exists
totally consuming the being and the world manifests
like an eclipse over the moon......
this is how it is when mind overshadows the light...
what is it that will make one sink deeper
dear seeker of heart..
what?
not grasping at the empty risings that point
always to your false self
this way is never to be rested and settled
not a drop of the illusion will set the heart free
as even a single drop of poison makes
the clearest waters impure and unhealthy to consume
it is said rightly in the bible
"He that findeth his life shall lose it:
and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it"
so is the one blessed that surrenders
the inner private world...
and allows grace to wash this most
false show
of *me and mine* away ...
the paradox the sages sing of
mind will never grasp
this simultaneous death and bursting of pure life ..
in one moment...
love this is how it is ...
when grace is allowed to enter
let go friend and
see...

lamb of God / bread of life...

lamb of God
symbolic of the complete
sacrifice and surrender of ones personal
inner world to the altar of truth
to offer up the mind is the greatest sacrifice
of all...
it is the greatest mantra
the greatest charity
the greatest puja
the greatest austerity
and the greatest devotion..

bread of life
symbolic of Gurus teachings that have manifested out of
this ones outstanding example of complete surrender and
giving over of all sense of personhood (ego)
to the universal life force ..
pure consciousness
which then is brought forward to humanity as compassionate service
as a means to free souls from bondage..
and given most especially to those that are under the wings
of Guru's care
this is the food that is to be taken in every moment
in gratitude
with an open heart and mind with the desire to become the same
a walking, living being of light, love and compassion
a sweet hearty substantial *food* for humanity to partake in...
not something empty of substance
**which is a one that speaks words with no true
action or direct experience behind them**..
this bread is not to be taken lightly
it is to be fully appreciated and taken in deeply ...
it is the food for *spirit* and carries far more weight and
true sustenance than anything else consumed..
as what it is made of can and will free the soul completely
from all fetters (if one remains sincere and steady)
and will bring one
strength and sturdiness while within the journey

maha shanti om

prior to the story...

it was told to you that you are so
much like a beautiful bird
or like a swan
a paramahansa
a sage or a brilliant light
or like a one that is completely out of suffering
and forever unburdened by body and mind..
it was told to you rightly
by the means of crystal clear stillness
prior to the story...
do you remember?

sannyas/sadhu life

if you want to cling to the past 

then it is best to go and chase those things

because what the wandering sadhus are 

really meant to do is wander

alone and naked

not pick up the chains of the world

and try to find refuge there

the sadhu is like the meat of the seeking

he is what the writings of the rishis speak about

as being lords of themselves and not

wearing the robes for the wrong reason

to flaunt about

and gossip 

which we see so much of 

what a terrible thing to wear the robes

and not truly have the heart of peace and 

seeking in joy and wanting to really know

this is such a shame to see

the sadhu's staff and rod are the holdings 

of the truth that guide him like a light

they bring him steadiness and joy

they hold him upright so he can walk in the 

land of the shadows and not be afraid

his earthly wear is orange

which is the color of burning the dross

this is so glowing that the eyes cannot see it

easily because the heart is the one that fires

he walks barefoot and sometimes naked

because he is like a newborn babe

he is fresh and new

and released from his past entanglements

he does not worship at an altar

the open sky and land are his home

where he wanders

he does not stop to rest unless he 

has to 

so he keeps up with nature

and stays in pace with her wondrous changes

one may come by and kiss his feet

but this is not for him

it is for the devotion of the soul to find 

a way into the heart where the sadhu is

and is not meant to worship his form

but to love the truth

a sadhu's body is not thought about

to him

it is like anything else of the earth

and is not to be worshipped or worried about

he does not sit on pretty thrones

he sits on rocks or the hard ground

and does not care if his body is sore

or bruised

he lays his head on mother earth

and sleeps a few hours 

then wanders again

what is his name?

-he has none

what his family?

none

what is his bread?

the earth and what is given to him by others

what are his questions?

- what is truth?

-what is real?

-what is my true nature?

how does he go about finding it

-by being still

how does he live?

-alone

how does he dwell?

-in caves or wherever he finds himself

how does he know when he has completed?

-there is no one left to ask anything

how does he find God?

-by being still

how does he worship?

-by loving his own heart and seeing God everywhere

how does he know what love is?

-by being love

how does he know what kindness is?

-by being kind and honest with all of nature

how does he know when the light is near?

-because he cannot find himself like he was

how does he know the beginning?

-by finding the end

how does he know the end?

-by finding the beginning

what is his true name?

-the absolute

what is his joy?

-God

what is his mighty sword?

-the sword of knowledge

what is his birthright?

-to know his true nature

when is his mind pure?

-when the shadows rise no more

is it true that he dies and is never reborn?

-yes, if his mind is completely still

what can i do to be like this?

-let go of attachments

what can i do about fear?

-stop thinking of yourself

what if i am a householder?

-then your heart is in the home

what about truth in the home?

-find it in love with your family

what will i do if i live without knowing the truth?

-you will have another chance