Kiss of Awareness

in winter the earth is dry and all is starkly bare 

as that which lays dormant

awaits the first kiss of the sun

when it comes, this kiss

it awakens the life that has fallen to sleep

for awhile in the depths of the earth

and life is moved to begin to grow

little bits of green poke it's way out of the soil

and miracles occur within and without 

and all around 

for the soul too, this is the way

it sits in slumber

and awaits the first kiss

which is awareness

untouched by any forces

that are of the personal

and with this kiss of awareness

life begins to stir in the soul and something

else begins to move the being 

which is grace

then, the holdings in consciousness
come to the surface to be seen

like bits of flotsam and jetsam on the waters 

of pure life 

and the soul is then made aware of all that has 

been occluding pure vision

this is a good thing to see what is there  

that has been driving one to be in circles 

of worry or defensiveness or comfort 

or what have you

because without first seeing what is there,

there can be no cleansing

and how mother cleanses, does she not?

for she is like a goddess of the heart

in her way, she is like 

the most chaste presence

that comes in and through

and gives one a chance to see
what is true and what is false 

she comes this way to all in every moment 

with a kiss of wake up and see dear one 

for you are my love 

you are my child of the spirit and i know you

as the sun only

i do not know you as a shadow not now, not ever 

you are my child that i have given life to

and  i will take your soul to the place of rest 

when you open your heart to me 

and then i will make you be still

i will not ever leave your heart dear one 

i will not ever be away and forget you

but my child 

you forget me, by going out into the world 

of the false 

and when you are there, you do not know who 

you truly are 

you forget that you are One only

and that God is your very Self

there (in the world), souls speak of this and that 

and me and you 

and you are lost in that 

but know that every breath that comes in your form

is my heart only

and every tear too

and every word that you speak is my creation

but words are not this at all

they are only bits of shakti that rise and fall on this 

heart so pure and so real

so, my child, when you go in the world, can you know 

the one?

if you love me like your very own soul

you can know always this one that is here 

for i love the one that is not afraid of me (Kali)

i love that one with heart and soul and a force of fire 

that can never die 

and i love those that are away in the world too the same,

but they are not really in the way of seeing the real

they are playing in the world as if it is a playground 

for fulfilling their desires 

this is fine and well -- for it will bring life lessons to them

but for those in the way of wanting to be free

these ones i call to me 

come home and love me true

for i know the way and the path is in you to be walked 

stay sturdy and upright in your character 

and do not let worry and fear rule your reality 

then you can settle into this moment 

and feel the wind purely and feel the sun purely

and feel the sweet smile of a friend purely

and feel the heart as the shining one 

come dear child 

and be as you are 

i am your mother always 

and nothing can compare to this type of love 

but do not love me as an object 

for i will melt like wax and die there 

love me as your own soul

and i will burn bright as the brightest star

for you to be guided to the heart 

and i will burn bright as the brightest moon

that cannot be denied in the dark sky

and i will burn like a lantern and a torch and 

fire so strong and so filled with life

that you will not be able to return to the shadowland 

you will be moved to be true and well like you are 

so well and so filled with life and love and compassion

that will tear the walls of ignorance down 

so come now 

be free and do not roam in the land of the lost 

come and be the life that you are 

the life that can never die 

a true monk

a monastery is not a place
that is like one thinks
it has within it all kinds of levels of
practice and monkhood
that many times is not focused on
non-dual reality
but more like a practice that solidifies
ego sense of *i am this or that*
when a monk is in this type of mental
way, he is more like a tool or instrument
for God
this is fine for what it is --
it is certainly better than being driven
by negative desires and running around
without any beneficial focused center
a monk, though is not meant to be like
one that is caught up in doership
he is to be focused on work in
the flow of life as one
he is to be focused on work as it is,
not separate from his being
he may wear ochre robes or buddhist cloth
or white or black or what have you
but he is not those outer things
not now, not ever
he is a perfect heart that is to be in love
with the SELF which is non-dual
when he first comes to the path
he has a past that is haunting him like
phantoms
dream substance that speaks of his experiences
that have now gone
he is to see that these experiences are not
happening now
they are gone and over
dead, buried and not to return
only he revives them in his mind
they are not real in terms of
being of substance and constant being
so he looks not to the past in the way
of attempting to understand it
but simply pays no attention to the images
and thoughts that rise and fall
his home is in the *now*
it is not the monastery or his past where his
family lives or anywhere else
it is in the *now*...

a monk is not a monk if he is caught up in
his identity with outer appearance and action
he has then simply changed identifications with the world
to something that he feels is more holy
this is not at all correct
no man is holy if he *thinks* he is holy
and no man is free if he *thinks* he is free
he has simply attempted to convince himself of
something
and this is so very false and can be more
harmful than thinking one is simply a persona that
is acting in the world
now, instead one is a persona that is *up high*
this is not at all in line with God and surrender
there is no *up high* or *down low* in truth
truth is and remains always *one*
it is not given more to one and less to another
it is not given out according to actions and appearance
as these things are not real
(in the way of being lasting and eternal)
it is within all hearts equally and does not change
to accomodate ego, not ever ...

a monk is a true monk when he is surrendered
and *living* the scriptures which means
one is *living* the path as it is laid out by Guru
and all that have come to liberation
which means the ego is to *die away* into the fires
of purification
the death that brings *eternal life*
there is no getting out of this or going half way
which is what ego would love and hopes will take
place
it is a true death that burns completely the persona
and all feeling and thought of separative existence
though this is not at all appealing to ego
it is the best thing possible that could happen to a soul
as this one is then out of the realm of
mistaken knowledge which brings in it's wake
suffering

the monk that is *true* is many times not
even noticed
he does not stand out
he does not gush his devotion about this or that
he does not try to gain affections are try to talk wise words
he does not try to be anything at all to anyone
he is simply quiet within and flows along with grace
and the heart that is of all hearts
he is like a sun unto himself
and he shines of his own light in his own being
that is slowly melting away in the light of God

a monk is not a thing to be taken and placed in a box
and when his time of being a monk is done
and the path is complete
what is he then?
simply himself
he is no longer bound by this or that or here or there
or needing of tools any longer
no more of this
he is what he has always been
the SELF

rushing waters

there was once a man that was in his mind shell

he was to make life like something 

that was hard or pushed against him always

he did not attempt to break out of this way of being 

in judgement of the world 

he stayed in himself like this for a long time 

when he was working and when at home 

when he was with others and when he was alone 

when he was standing and when he was sitting

he was in his mind this way 

one day he was walking across a bridge

with water racing underneath 

he looked down and saw a spot of life 

that was clinging to a rock 

it held there with such tenaciousness it seemed to 

him even with the water 

rushing so strongly and obviously to overpower 

and sweep it away

he thought my how his mind is this way 

and then let it go and went about his business 

and then another day there was another 

experience that happened 

when walking over the bridge 

when he looked at the water he felt for a moment 

that the water was like himself 

rushing all the time 

and not really going anywhere 

this is what appeared to him
like an insight 

and he stopped at the bridge a minute 

for the first time and looked over the water 

and into the sky of great wide expanse

and took in the bright bits of color of nature 

that played about here and there in the 

shafts of sunlight 

and watched the birds fly freely and listened 

to their call

and he felt different for just a moment 

as he had never stopped like this and really looked 

at life 

with eyes that were not in judgement or making up a story 

about it 

and he breathed deeply and sighed and felt lighter 

for just a moment 

and then he walked over the bridge and disappeared 

on his way into the world...

like a river

like a river that simply flows with it's nature
and does not think ahead or
hold an intention to flow
simply moves with the curves of the bend
and all that comes along
this is truly what the natural way is
not divided in thought and plan of action
spontaneous
in you this is what is real and will not
change according to ego's thoughts about it
how very absurd is this
that a thought that perishes so easily can control
that which is undying and filled with grace
for you can think about grace all you want
and hope to be within it
and be glad you are within it
but this makes no difference to grace one iota
because it is here always
and unaffected by thought or lack thereof ..
this is the funny part, yes?
why not then know that you are *in* it (reality)
by *being* it
and stop the thinking *about* it ...
and relax into this moment
letting your world go ...

current of grace..

resting in the heart

i sank deep as a one that was lost 

to this beautiful light 

i found that i had not been as i thought 

but something that was completely different

not i, me or anything like this 

but whole in perfection always 

this is the end that is the beginning 

i prayed to be made whole 

and to be a light to humanity

yet i knew not what i was asking 

i wanted to be free 

unburdened by past experiences

that followed on my heels 

always haunting 

i did not know where the journey would lead

to heaven or hell 

the right thing always showed up though

as it does when one is sincere 

and this was not understood by mind ever 

but it felt right deep in the heart 

where words do not touch

so the current of grace pushed the soul onward 

into greater depths that began to take away

the shadow pictures that were once held as truth

and it feels as if nothing ever happened

though the body endured many things it seems
the pure soul has not been soiled at all
by any experience no matter how good or bad
beyond words is this grace
that comes this way...

when i sought myself here in the light 

i found myself not as i was 

but completely whole

undying in itself 

what an amazing thing 

that this purity was here all along 

seekers prayer..

dear lord of all,
make me not sink into the dark...
for i have not lived as a saint or a mindful one
though i attempt it
i fail
i have died so many times and been reborn
and have been swept away into lands of fantasy and grasping
i have not wanted to go like this
but cannot find my moorings in this mind that roams
can i sit here dear light in the shining heart
and move not away from myself as truth
as i have journeyed so very far
and not yet tasted the ripe fruit
i have been caught in pressing desires within
and shifted away from the moment
blessed light
reveal the truth here inside as i am so weary
reveal the living waters of my heart that shines as a prince of peace,
undivided pure consciousness
and joy that is living
shine within and dissolve the seeds of sorrow,
clear these eyes of misperception
melt the feeling of separation
direct this mind towards the good and freedom
everlasting...
seal this heart to thine ..
so there is only stillness
joy and peace
shanti mind
0

purity..

a lesson dear soul
is that the pure waters are to rinse away
the shadow mind
and take from you what you guard so
dearly that creates
a suffering inside
as the light is always whole
so are the forces that come in the way of clearing
deeply intelligent in nature
is the current of grace
so do not sit on the side of the waters
that are living
step in friend
see what is to become of it
put your being into the hands of grace
and see what unfolds
you will not know until you do this
right?
yes verily
you will only know
by the direct experience

now come
freshen up in the rain
that falls in purity
to clean the soul...

om shanti

pure waters...

never has it been said that you were not whole
but in your own mind
and this is not what is to be regarded as true
so made of dust is this thought that you
are *not right inside*
that it is to die away when the sun rises
never to come in and make of your reality
a one that is divided again
if you are not in the way of seeing this gem now
there will be a moment that you will
and it will be seen that mind has *never* been
it has simply been an energy that was grasped
to as real and living --
so in this o ne heart that lives as eternal
there is no  such thing as
*you* or *me*
there is no way to speak of it
that will help you to see
dear
if you could taste a fruit by simply speaking
of it then one could say yes...
but this is entirely false --
you are to set yourself in the waters and directly
experience this reality -
to know what it truly tastes like --
and this alone is what will wash the ache
of duality away....
so be sturdy beloved one
and do not tangle with the wayward energies or attempt
to find anything of truth in the shaded byways of mind
come stay in this way of light --
and call to rest all that is not settled
once and for all...

the seeds of truth...

when is the dawn of freedom to appear?
in winter the seeds lay dormant as pure life
resting in the earth that is to bring nutrients and
rich food to that which waits ...
so also the pure life force is to give nourishment
to the seeds of truth that are planted
in the heart
when placed there with sincerity and desire for
fulfillment...
when resistance is let go of
the mind is purified by grace
there is no lasting benefit in gathering
and collecting knowledge about how things appear
or should be....
this only adds clutter to the search
and what is needed is a clearing away...
the dance of spring never fails to come
with its bright rejoicing of colorful life
and wondrous blossoming of growth...
and after this turn
the glory of summer with life opening
at its fullest...
this is the way of the heart within the journey
it takes time to uncover the purity that rests within
do not place your energy into wondering *when* or *how*
or even more obstructive *what have i done or  not done*...
as this type of bemoaning and pondering are sturdy food
for ego so as to keep it with a fasthold on the soul
just as there is nothing that you do my friend
to make the earth come to life or die away
the rains and winds of grace take care of that...
all one can do is rest in the heart and
engage the practices
letting go completely as to the outcome...
be settled with what is* here or not here* without
clinging to either....
slowly the seeds will sprout inside and come to life
as to overshadow the play of mind
and eventually this energy of mind will dissolve away..
into the pure silence of *IS*....