mind does not know

i cannot find myself as i was

so much of the time 

my friends how fortunate this is 

it rings of the ripe fruit of now 

it lives as the glorious one 

when i was in the world working 

and raising a child 

i did my very best to be still and free 

but the waves of mind kicked up the dust 

and my attention moved in and out 

how was i to know the difference 

between living amongst good company

and sitting away from the world 

and it's play of me and mine 

and this and that and so, so many things 

that come there 

i did not know the difference until coming here, 

and being in the company of Guru,

and being calm and quiet, 

and taking in the wonder of simply being

(without moving outward into the waves)

it is quite a journey this kundalini brings 

and it is very, very hard and very, very graceful

all at once and one knows not what is around 

the next corner that will awaken the mind 

to what is real

how i mourned in the past for what i was to lose 

and how i wanted to protect *my life* 

and *my way* of being that was familiar

it is like this within ego

as if *my world* and all that has come to it 

was ever my own..

oh friends let go of your world, and see the day 

without the lens of attachment 

it will be better than fine, and better than good 

it will be like you are reborn and washed clear 

of all that has been collected that haunts 

because even if the attachment feels good, 

it brings pain 

and that which is attached to is only a thought, 

a dream, a shadow ...

it is not the thing itself, or the person itself 

that you love or desire ...

it is a thought  .. an energy .. a movement ...

a shadow ...

the person that you love is your very own soul 

it is true and this is so deeply beautiful and simply 

*what is* also ...

it is like a stagnant energy that simply gets absorbed 

into the truth (pure awareness), and then lo,

what a difference and what a wondrous thing
 this mind is simply dream mist 

and all is of ONE beautiful SELF 

oh, it is coming now dear seekers 

may you go on to find the joy of your soul

it will come when the conditions ripen 

and if you continue to follow grace 

and let the doors close that need to close 

and walk thru the doors that open from grace 

without hesitation

then you will make good progress

because the mind knows not what is best for you

it will tell you that this is right and that is wrong 

but how it changes course again and again

with no certainty

so do not believe in it, but stay in the heart 

and be in love with the moment as it is 

all is well here and full and of heart 

be still, quiet and calm

and stay with the practices that have come 

from Guru's grace

and God will take you home 

there is no doubt 

om namah shivaya...