more writing flowing...

so what do these ones haveto say on the subject of truth
and the subject of Guru
that are in the shadows
and looking out?
it is like a window that is frosted over
and one can only see a bit of a reflection (if that)
and then all the stories that are created from this
how much suffering these ones minds must be in
how very sorrowful too
when i came here to this path
there was so much love given by Guru that helped these legs to
stand and move forward
as they were very, very shakey for quite awhile off and on
and she gave, with her compassion, strength of soul
and a sturdy path to walk that was to lead to the heart
where all that has come as a dream will perish
she took this soul and helped it to be strong
and filled with a mind that is inward seeing
vs getting lost in the tangents that seemed so enticing to mind
how i did not know, my friends, which way was right truly
i just followed what *i thought was right* and went that way
not knowing that it would only create more branches of mind
to lop off
but when she came and said, "be still"
then i began to relax and see clearer the way
and feel the breeze of life as it is, without a story covering it
without a name and face on it

when i first started many, many years ago seeking by myself
i sat in nature so much from light until deep dark
alone in the woods or by the water
or anywhere that could be felt as a fresh setting in which there
were rocks, trees and birds ... not much was needed ..
even a nice window would do fine ...
and i sat alone, day in and day out
but in a way i had closed the world out and put my heart to the search
in seriousness that was sometimes heavy
with this, i went on though
but when Guru came, she opened the doors and windows and
said, "levity is needed on this journey"...
serious is good, but in balance..
and this was a great relief for i could just relax and enjoy life
what a pleasure
and yet there was still so many layers that came and went
and phenomena
and visions that were all consuming it seemed sometimes
years of it my friends
and still more that flows, but with much much more quietude
how i did not see anything that was coming around the next bend
a Guru, i had no idea about what it would bring
and it has brought the hard road instead of the *harder road*
(which is one of Guru's sayings)...
she is a light that is to be honored and will never cater to ego's whims and ways
in her behavior or words
and this is a blessing for those with the right eyes to see

when i was young i longed for freedom, but knew not what i was asking
and when i was older longed for happiness and knew not what i was asking
and when i was older still, asked to be used for the good of humanity
and knew not what i was asking
and now i simply am quiet so much, with no desires but only this moment
living and being
yet know always of the blessing that has come for sure
in living in this community that are like kindred spirits
and full like a family
but there is something else that is deeper beyond the connections made
a still aloneness that is of one heart and light
it comes when one is relaxed and settled
not struggling to become or understand
may you dear seeker, relax and be yourself
enjoy the moment
and let go

om shanti