hardly a single prayer

as the sadhu sits in the cave 

waiting for the moment 

to spark the heart on fire with silence 

oh world 

i sit like this in the heart of cave 

without covers 

oh god 

i lay down by the fire here 

and have hardly a single prayer left in me 

to say 

come to me dear light and give all you can 

to this silence that is forever here 

seek me out and lay your hands on me 

with love 

flower me with sweetness like the garden of 

joy that dances in the spring 

pray for me with all your heart like the monks, 

the munis, the sadhus and the nuns 

embrace me tender as the first love that finds 

its way into my breast 

and fills me with something new that brings

laughter and lightness

rain your mercy on me like shiva, kali, lakshmi

and buddha 

work with me to allow me to be your servant 

and then take me in lovingly as a mother would 

her child and relieve all suffering 

yes i have hardly a single prayer left to ask something 

of you

as i have found that stillness quiets all down and 

takes all away that came forward to be heard and felt 

so wearisome at times

yes, hardly a single prayer

as silence takes it all away 

and leaves something so much deeper 

richer and worthy of all the efforts

to come into it

within this garden...

last evening before sleep a vision appeared 

of a garden with blue flowers 

the hibiscus were blue, large and grew in abundance 

there was a bench where one could sit amongst the 

lovely creation of wonder that mother nature provides 

so gloriously

there, within this garden, that was filled with 

different flowers and greens and earth 

sweet with rich nourishment 

arose a small plastic bubble that floated in 

the air 

within this bubble, a butterfly fluttered with wings of
various shades of blue 

that were patterned in fine blacks as well 

and all the touches of light that shine within these creatures 

that capture our hearts so 

majestic it was (this butterfly), but held within captivity 

and then the bubble that held it, broke open and it

flew out within the freedom of the air 

it flew as if it had found itself finally and could allow 

that which it was inherently to live truly without containers 

or borders or boundaries and all the things that are structured 

as ways to keep light from truly flowing out fully and freely

and then, many plastic bubbles arose floating in the air 

then these containers opened up too and the butterflies flew in the garden 

and travelled beyond it as well 

into the sky 

into the space 

and dissolved as light 

so here is one of the visions that came to this mind's eye 

as they come more and then less 

and come whenever 

but are not so all consuming still

this is the journey here i 

am still within sadhana very much 

and there is still slowing and gaps to mind 

there is an all consuming light and stillness 

there is still mind risings and physical phenomena clearing 

and circling about 

but i am not pulling back from this desire to go on

and leave the mind to fall completely 

i know oh love 

that it feels to you so long when i speak 

it is long indeed this journey 

that abounds to open to those sincere ones 

it is indeed a path of mysterious play that leaves one 

without covers or concealments or anything to cling to that 

will save one except surrender, faith and trust in the heart 

that is God or pure consciousness 

there the mind can relax and leave the rest to be handled by 

the pure intelligent source 

this is what takes place off and on 

and there is also a way that this path wears down the separate persona 

but one must see the conditionings that cause the effect of maya and all that works there 

so strange and confusing when one is lost within it 

and not get pulled into that and lost there 

for there, nothing that is of lasting value can find itself to be as it is 

and shine for all humanity to feel 

as this is the main thing oh seeker and one that is devoted to light 

whether you are truly walking a path or simply living life 

you must know that there is nothing that is different than your own heart 

every face you meet on your journey is nothing but one self

everything is this beauty only 

for we cannot be something other than this 

forever 

forever 

only this light

spirit work

when death comes to you will you be ready?
i wonder
because it will come (death), you know
this time in this body will be done one day
and you will be onto another journey that continues
forward
but i must say to you, that when you are ready to pass
your body lays lifeless and you cannot "act" even if you
want to
you cannot get up and go do what you think is so important
that you feel you must do now (not even the smallest thing)
you are helpless to what is to come and rushed out into the
after life without a jury to listen to your pleas
and give extra time to look at what needs to be looked at
you cannot move or speak at all
you see, this i have seen so many times being at the bedside
of those dying
how their eyes say so much, but their body will not cooperate
the same way
and so they are left with their thoughts that turn and turn
and  the reality is if there has been no investigating of the truth
or time spent on spirit work
there is nothing of substance there that will hold
this is what are called vasanas or tendencies that are later reborn
again to play out
so my dear, you have this time in this form to be of good spirit
and look deeply at your mind, life and come to the heart
for if this work is not done now, it will come back again later
not one soul gets out of anything
it is true
not one soul can escape karma and the happenings there

not of the worldly way

reader 

when life is put under a bed of thoughts 

it cannot breathe it's truth 

for it is laden with personal views 

that make it into something other than 

what it is

it cannot come thru to the heart clearly 

or speak it's silence that flows forward 

of itself 

that comes from no-thing that can be seen 

or named 

but flows from the source and is the source 

and drowns out the voices of mental habits 

all consuming and casting it's spell of bodily

identifications that takes over so strongly

this power of mind 

yet this is not to be seen as true  

this happening of illusion

but seen as something of a dream-spell that comes 

for a time and has no concrete substance that can be 

called eternal 

it is an energy that moves with desire and attachment 

which is the main holding there 

worldly men 

how they seem to be the center of the societal revolvings 

on the planet 

they speak and speak as if they are authorities on something 

but really what is within their hearts is what matters always 

not the outer coverings like gender, religion etc..

these things are like shadows over a land that cannot be  

seen clear if the speech is always separating out this and that 

and always talking of you and me and what happened yesterday 

and what will happen tomorrow 

and what i am and what you are 

and what they are and all of this kind of drama

there is not a conveying ever of what is true and right and whole 

(in the world of appearances) 

this just comes when the one sincerely searching finds the right teacher 

that can direct him/her to the well spring of life which is freedom

this cannot be found in the world of appearances and societal playing out 

that is so drenched in conspiracy, drama and deception much of the time 

and changing always onto something else without a break

this (light) cannot be found in the worldly ways of men

preacher, tell me what you know of love 

for i have heard you preaching so long and yet i have not heard the 

voice of light come thru clearly like a beautiful, unfettered stream that 

runs through all things and leaves no residue 

what have you to say about this when you speak? 

have you ears to hear the smallest voice that whispers, be still my love 

do not play so much in mind like you do 

do not make plans that inherently have within them expectations 

of something else than what is happening now 

do not seat yourself in the garden of dry and lifeless fruit  

and flowers that wither quickly
but come into yourself as a bird that soars to the heart of God 

not captured any longer by the scenery so laden with duality of men 

fly to the heart of God oh soul 

and do not tell the world your cries of how you know so much 

because when you come to the heart 

you know nothing then 

and then how will you speak of your certain philosophies and attempt 

to make yourself separate and special with so much knowledge of learning 

i will ask you then oh preacher and dear souls 

what do you haveto say then that is so learned, certain and right 

when you have been stripped of all that you thought you were?

what will you have to say then?

like this

a vision came this afternoon
of a water spout pouring out fresh, clear water
a head was bent beneath this water
the water ran over it with vigor for a long time
what appears then is a nun in a white habit
the nun walked away, her flowing veil blowing in
the wind

then she reappeared clasping the hands of a priest
there they engaged in conversation
of what i am not sure
there they stood connected by hands and heart
and she dropped to her knees head down

a vision then, of a lovely fresh face of a girl with a white veil
head down, eyes closed, hands clasped in prayer
water running like a river within this scene and doves too
there too is the christ image of heavenly heart
that rises when the worldly way of being in the outward
appearance ends
there he is with his hand out touching the souls
that are there with joy
there he is touching the earth with his bare feet
that are the light of all
the light that is not in the physical form
but appears through it as the  pure heart at times
when the mind is no longer playing it's song

there are the animals with the glow of light
and the angels too with the song of love
fear not, is the song that flows always

dear hearts
i am the light, the christ, the lamp of shiva
i am this light as i live in all things pure and impure
and am not touched by them ever
i live in all things as a sunrise never to set
when you pass the place of shadow which is only
creative force of mind/energy then you come to this place
that has no name or face or purpose or goal or ending spot
for it lives always in one place which is now
forever in one place of living waters

do you know this love my dear?
you are made of it as the heavens are
you are made of it as the earth is, like riches mysterious
you are made of it as the sun, moon, stars are
like this you live in all things as one that is present
without conditionings or attachments or physical heaviness
like this you live made of one perfect heart
like this you live in all and all in you forever
single
not as a divided entity that breaks up into rays of light
or colors
but as the pure original nature in which all flows forward
yes dear like this living essence
yes like this you live

impersonal heart

in the ancient traditions
the practitioner is taught to be within himself
as the objects of nature are
as still as a piece of wood or stone
as still as the bird that awaits it's prey
as still as the calm before the storm
as still as the eye of the hurricane
he is taught to be still
as still as the empty house that vibrates
with the sound of life play
as still as the sound of one hand clapping
as still as the world before the person was born
as still as the song with no singer
as still as the buddha nature that is not born
nor can die
as still as the impersonal heart
the master points to this way of
stillness
to put the mind in a different way of being
to take the mind out of the spinning cycles
to take the mind away from the creative world
in which "I" revolves

the way a master connects with his/her student
is not something always shared with the public
this kind of connection that is made in these sacred
unions are rare indeed
they are not understood by looking at the person that
is shaped a certain way
and imparts certain mannerisms that are this way or that
this bond of light cannot be taken in like this
within the worldly view
it is a bond that occurs in the heart light
that has come from the desire of many lifetimes and the
connection to the fire force of the absolute

the master that is true in these ancient traditions
impart knowledge without the mind understanding it
always
in a logical sense
this is how it is
the logical way of seeing is shaded by all the thinking
and so much always wanting to move forward on a certain
course to gain and get rid of, and improve upon
this is stopped in it's tracks with the transmutive power of
energy coming from pure consciousness
so most of the workings of the path take place on a level
not understood by the surface thoughts
it works mysteriously

as the buddhist masters would give the student simple sayings
that cannot be understood
it hearkens back to that place of the mind saying, "what?"
the mind will not get it
or the master will open up another space of seeing that is much
deeper and was not viewed before by the student

the main thing that is imparted however is
the truth is within the heart of all
for this thought that one is not free or is bound or is this way or
that is shaken out
these opposites that the mind grabs hold to is shaken out
and the mind becomes more quiet, more present, empty
yet full of pure life
and then the flow of beauty comes thru the heart of that one seeking
until that seeker is extinguished as a personal energy that is felt as ego

i simply began...

reader
those experiences of the past have written
something on your heart
that you are moving with
and changing with
but oh soul
those thoughts come as rain comes
and sun comes
as clouds and open passages come
as closed doors come
and as ripe fruit and dry leaves drop
from the trees
those stories and thoughts come this way
never staying long as one thing to grab to
never staying long as a continuous note that
soothes
they turn to winter yes
they turn to summer yes
they turn to spring yes
and to fall
and to death
and rise again
like all of nature does
so the very first thing that is within many spiritually
bright religions
is to look at the transient nature of all things
including mind
to see how it comes, goes, does not have staying power
and to stay grounded in the breath and equanimity
rooted in a way to the earth heart
and there, one will feel the forces blow strong of the
vasanas that will have their play on the body and mind
without end it seems
and will be hard to resist to follow
and will be hard to not bite down on and pound the fists against
or come into it's cocoon of comforts or whatever has it's enticement
there
but to react to it makes it stronger and forces like that will
come strong as an ox again
or possibly in sheeps clothing too, all of it
one is to stay rooted in the heart and the present moment and the
present pure experience with these forces.... and not entertain them
so they die out....
do not think that this is something that will happen quickly.. it will indeed
take a long, long time and also at some point a true master is needed to
help finish the journey, but this will come for sure when the student is ripe
and ready... don't worry... the right thing will come when the conditions are right
just do the work of being present within the present conditions with love,
without having expectations
or pressing down on yourself to be this way or that ...
allow the flow of heart to open with love, care and gentleness...
even though the strong forces will be there,
stay within the right character and intention to be honest and within the flow of heart...


well i guess this writing is completing and here for any that are interested
it comes from the experience walked here apparently
for this is where i started with a very young child and with meager living conditions
simply began with looking at myself and desiring peace for myself and humanity
i had no idea where the journey would lead or if there would be a teacher that came or not
or what a Guru was for that matter...
and the journey went forward and from there ... well, i have written a lot about that ...

great day and om